|
[19 Apr 2009|09:46pm] |
|
I just started my own computer repair business in Cape Coral, FL called Freedom Computers, LLC
|
|
| today's telemarketer |
[21 Apr 2008|02:11pm] |
So some telemarketer called to try to sell me health insurance... It went something like this:
Telemarketer: blah blah... What are you doing right now for healthcare? Do you have any health insurance?
Me: No, I don't
T: Is that because it's unaffordable? Or-
M: No, it's because I'm immune to all illnesses!
T: hahaha (laughing)
M: -No, why're you laughing? When I was a baby, my parents got me an All In One vaccine that protects me against every disease there is and ever will be in the world!!
T: You-
M: -It's something the government made. My dad was in the CIA so he had access to this. That's why most people don't know about it. I just had the connections.
T: Oh... really
M: Yeah, and they're not releasing it because then the insurance companies won't make money and the doctors won't make money...
T: Oh, I see... Well you have a good day
M: Okay! bye!
|
|
| today's telemarker |
[22 Mar 2008|08:18pm] |
It seems like the only thing I'm using my livejournal for now is to write about telemarketers, but oh well...
So another telemarketer called me today with some credit card offer or something. It went something like this:
Telemarketer: We'd like to send a free card to you in the mail blah blah-
Me: (interrupting) No, no, I don't want it, I'm not interested, I don't want it
T: Well, this is a free card, no obligation, you can-
M: I'm not interested
T: Okay, thank you for your time, if you have any questions, you can call 1888-
M: Can't I just ask you?
T: Excuse me?
M: Can't I just ask you any questions that I have since I'm already on the phone with you?
T: Sure
M: ...How big is your penis?
T: ....I'm sorry, I can't provide you with that information, if-
M: Why not?
T: ...Thank you for your time, if-
M: Don't you know?
T: If you're interested in anything, please call 1888-
M: I'm interested in getting the answer to my question
T: Thank you for your time, if you have any questions, please call 1888-
M: You mean they'd know?
T: Excuse me?
M: They'd know the answer to my question? ...Hello?
|
|
| Now I understand why to pray! |
[23 Jan 2008|11:28pm] |
"God knows absolutely everything. So if God can predict the future, you know what that means? He must know exactly what your own future will bring. Remember that the next time you need to ask him for something. Because prayer works. Even if God already knows how everything will turn out. You see, if you don't pray and you get what you want anyway, you'll never know why God planned it for you that way. But if you do pray and you get what you want, you'll know why you got it! Because you prayed!"
I thought this was really great so I thought I'd share the link:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=GJtNFnHT6lA
All of this guy's videos are pretty good.
|
|
| another telemarketer call |
[21 Dec 2007|07:44pm] |
So another telemarketer called me... I wish I had recorded this one but I couldn't... anyway, here's how it went...
Telemarketer: Hello, I'm calling from blah blah, can I speak with the owner or manager of the business please?
Me: That's me!
Telemarketer: I'm blah blah blah, we're offering blah blah blah, we'd like to go over some rate comparisons with you-
Me: Some rape comparisons?
Telemarketer: Yes sir
Me: RAPE?
Telemarketer: Yes
Me: R-A-P-E???
Telemarketer: Yes, rate comparisons
Me: That's horrible!!
Telemarketer: ...why is that horrible?
Me: You're saying you wanna do RAPE comparisons? You wanna compare what it's like to rape different people???
Telemarketer: ....?
Me: Are you saying RAPE or RATE?
Telemarketer: *laughs a little* RATE comparisons! R-A-T-E
Me: Ooooooooh! I thought you were saying RAPE comparisons!
Telemarketer: *laughs* oh okay... ...so, I'd just like to verify your address, are you still at blah blah
Me: Yes
and then I hang up
Then she calls back a minute later
Me: Hello
Telemarketer: Hi, I just wanted to confirm your address-
Me: Okay, I had to hang up before because I was being raped
Telemarketer: *laughs a little bit* okay...
Me: Ahhh!!!
then I hang up again
THE END
|
|
| Telemarketers call back! |
[06 Dec 2007|07:30pm] |
Okay, so yesterday someone else from the same place called me to confirm the appointment we set up for tonight at 9pm:
LISTEN TO PART TWO
We closed our shop a year ago, so this guy got our address from an old listing. There is now a new store where our old store used to be. But I told him it's the correct address. And then he called me today at around 4pm, at the address that he had, looking for our store. I could barely even say anything because I was trying so hard not to laugh at this guy, driving around the parking lot of an office building, trying to find our old store:
LISTEN TO PART THREE
|
|
| recorded telemarketer call!! |
[04 Dec 2007|04:58pm] |
Okay people! I recorded my first telemarketer call! This time I just happened to be sitting in front of my computer with a microphone ready when they called. Yes, I'm just ripping off Jim Florentine but I think it's funny.
DOWNLOAD IT!
It's kinda hard to make out at times, the volume goes up and down because I have to have to have the speaker phone and the microphone and my mouth at just the right distance from each other.
But basically, these people called me up telling me that they want to meet with me to give me some scratch card which will give me a chance to win a prize, and then they wanted to know some information about me. The call was not edited except for me removing a name, company name, address, and phone number. The guy hung up on me about 6 minutes through, and then i got a call back immediately afterwards...
|
|
| these telemarketers keep calling me! |
[10 Oct 2007|09:40pm] |
Okay, so there's this business called Merchant Lynx and they're a credit card processing company and they KEEP calling my job! they called me every single day two weeks ago. Each time, I tried to fuck with them more. They keep calling up, and then they always say they're gonna be in my area tomorrow and that they want to meet with me and then they ask what time would be a good time to meet. Here's how the conversations went:
MONDAY:
lady: blah blah blah... what time would be a good time to meet with you?
Me: between 2 and 4am
L: haha, no, seriously sir...
M: I am serious. between 2am and 4am
L: haha, I like you, I like you. why can't it be during the day?
M: because I run a business during the day
L: well why are you free between 2 and 4 in the morning?
M: because that's the time I leave open for telemarketers!
L: haha... you know, they're recording my call so I have to be careful what I say on the phone
M: hahaha [that's the first time a telemarketer made me laugh]
L: okay, I'll just call back and a more convenient time
M: between 2 and 4am?
L: yeah...
then she hung up
TUESDAY:
some Guy: blah blah blah, what time would be a good time to come over and meet you
Me: you sound like you have a very small penis
G [caught completely by surprise]: uh... .I... um-
M: is that correct?
G: sir, I'm not going to discuss my penis while I'm at work
M: Well would you be the one coming here? we could compare penis sizes
G: no, I wouldn't be coming there
M: you wouldn't be coming here? well then would you be coming at home?
G: would I be coming at home?
M: yes, are you going to come at home... like, when you have sex... are you gonna be COMING! you get it?
G: you know you're being a real jackass
then he hangs up on me
WEDNESDAY:
some other guy: I'm calling from merchant lynx and blah blah blah
Me: yeah, I know you're calling from merchant lynx, you wanna know how I knew?
G: uh... ..how?
M: because on my caller ID, it said "giant douche bags"
G [apparently trying to ignore that comment]: ...so, what time would be a good time to meet with you?
M: between 2 and 4 in the morning
G: what other time is good
M: that's it! between 2 and 4am! I tell you people that every time you call!
G: we could meet you at 3:30, 3, 2:30, 2..... ...[he ignores me and continues to list every time in half hour intervals]
M [talking over him]: I know what the times of the day are! I already told you only between 2am and 4am are good!
G: ..do you even accept credit cards there?
M: maybe
G: you dont' know? you work there and you don't even know if you accept credit cards?
M: I didn't say-
G [interuptting me]: and you're calling ME a douchebag!?
M: I didn't SAY I dind't know! I-
G: yes you did!
M: I did NOT! I said MAYBE!
G: no you didn't! you're exact words were you don't know!
M: I did not! I said MAYBE! and I know your boss records these calls so you can go back and listen to the tape
G: ...well do you accept credit cards or not?
M: none of your business
G: yes it is my business
M: how do you figure?
G: because I need to know if you're using us or not
M: you don't know if we use you or not?? shouldn't it be in your records??
G: alright I gotta go
and he hangs up on me
THURSDAY: I was off from work :(
FRIDAY:
some Lady: Hello, blah blah... can I speak with the owner?
Me: Well... she died yesterday...
L: Oh, I'm sorry, ...okay, then I won't bother you
M: No wait!! Is this Merchant Lynx?
L: ..yes it is
M: Well her dying request was for us to get your services!
L: You're kidding
M: No!! I'm serious!!
L: no you're not
M: Yes I am!!
L: okay... ..well, would you like me to send someone there to meet you on monday afternoon?
M: Well, monday afternoon is the funeral, but monday between 2am and 4am would be perfect
L: Okay, you have a good day
and then she hung up on me
|
|
|
[12 Sep 2007|12:40am] |
Happy 6 year anniversary everybody!
|
|
| Another telemarketer story |
[11 Sep 2007|10:51pm] |
So, another telemarketer called me on my cellphone today while I was really bored. So I thought I'd fuck with him for a few minutes. It was short. It only lasted 5 minutes, but I thought it was kinda funny so I'm typing up to the best of what I can remember, how the conversation went. The telemarketer had a stupid southern accent and was selling a credit card or something...
Telemarketer: Blah blah blah, You can take advantage of this offer right now by-
Me [interrupting and imitating his southern accent very loudly]: Oh, right naw?? I can get it right naw? RIGHT NAW? REALLY RIGHT NAW?
T: Yes sir. It's available for you-
M [surprised he still wants to talk to me]: I can get it right now? Well what about later on? Can I get it later?
T: Sure, you-
M: Well how bout before? Can I get it in the past?
T: Uhh... No, you can't get it in the past
M: Why not?
T: Because you can't get it in the past.
M: Well why not? You didn't just start offering this right NOW, right? So when did you start offering this?
T: Um, I'm not sure but I could find out for-
M: Well if you were offering this before, then I could get it in the past! So when did you start offering it?
T: Um, hold on one minute, I'll find that out for you.
[a minute later]
T: We started offering it January 2007
M: Okay! So I COULD'VE got it in the past!
T: Yes sir
M: Okay then, well I'd like to get it in the past. Do you have a time machine I could borrow?
T: Uh, No, I'm sorry sir, I don't.
M: Well why not! I wanted to get it back in March! Why didn't you call me then!
T: Well, we did send out something in the mail earlier. You should've received something in the mail back then.
M: Really? Well if you already mailed me something about this, and I ignored it the first time, why are you calling me again about it??
T: Well, I have no control over-
M: That's annoying!!
T: I'm sorry sir. I can't help who I'm supposed to call
M: Why not! Have some control over what you're doing!
T: I'm just doing my job-
M: Take charge! Tell your boss you're not gonna take any more of this shit!
T: Okay I will sir. Bye
|
|
| Joke of the Day |
[19 Jun 2007|06:38pm] |
Why did the frog go to the better church?
Because it had greener pastors!
|
|
| free will vs creationism |
[16 Jun 2007|09:21pm] |
For everyone that believes in God and free will, explain something to me.
God gave everyone free will, so that people can decide things for themselves. So that if people do bad things, it's their own fault. If someone commits a sin, they deserve to go to hell because they chose that. If someone doesn't believe in God, God has the right to be angry, because the person could've chosen to believe in God, but instead, he chose not to. But if God created everything, what would cause one person to use their free will to make one decision, but another person would use their free will to make a completely different decision? Why isn't everyone making the same exact decisions? You may say that is the very definition of free will. God could've made everyone like robots, and do whatever he says, but he gave us a choice. BUT, my point is, God created EVERYTHING. So whatever makes people choose different things, is something that God also created. If people have free will and they can do whatever they want, what is it that MAKES they choose those things? What makes each person do different things? Their personality? Their characteristics? Their genes? The environment they grew up in? Their brain? Their mind? Whatever it is, God made THOSE things too! So it's STILL god's fault for whatever decisions people make. If someone is a murderer, if someone renounces god, if someone is just an overall bad person, it's was still caused by God! God created everything! God created that person! God created everything that made that person do those things! God is supposed to be all knowing! God should know what happens when he gives each person the circumstances that he gives them. So why should God think people deserve to go to hell? It's god's fault. He made them that way.
|
|
| Joke of the Day |
[10 Jun 2007|01:50pm] |
Why didn't the black girl get breast implants?
Because she wanted to keep it real.
|
|
| Joke of the Day |
[27 May 2007|01:33pm] |
Why did God make homosexuality a sin?
Because his boyfriend thought it would be a turn on
|
|
| Joke of the Day |
[20 Jun 2006|06:50pm] |
What do you call Michael J Fox in the oven?
Shake 'N Bake!
|
|
| Joke of the Day |
[11 Jun 2006|09:47pm] |
What happens when you meet Michael J Fox?
He shakes your hand!
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
gooligymoo's journal